Listen on your favorite app:
Transcript
Hello, glad you’re here. My name is Thomas.
Over the past few episodes, you and I have gone over the different temptations that leaders can face. And these temptations come from Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Five Temptations of a CEO. And even though he focuses on CEOs in his book, those temptations can affect any leader in any position.
So we’ve been talking about and going over the ways it can affect us and what to do differently.
In this episode, we are hitting the last one, which is temptation number five. We’ve gone over the status of results, popularity over accountability, certainty over clarity, harmony over conflict, and today is choosing, the temptation is choosing invulnerability over trust.
The false image of a leader
Sometimes leaders get this idea in their mind for whatever reason, that they’re supposed to put up a front, that leaders are supposed to have a certain image of being strong and vulnerable, knowing all the answers, never making a mistake.
So because that’s what they think leaders are supposed to look like, they put up that front. Sometimes that can go back mixed with the status, trying to put your worrying about your status over results.
Sometimes it can include feeling insecure, or it could have something to do with ego, whatever it is, try to put up a front and look invulnerable, look strong, look like you don’t make mistakes. And because of that, it makes you look fake, which of course hurts you.
How leaders live out this image
And leaders, they demonstrate this in different ways, like the way it shows itself in what they do. So sometimes it’s them, maybe it’s some ego, but sometimes it’s setting themselves aloof from their team, trying to separate themselves, showing themselves better or separate or apart.
Sometimes it comes when people make decisions. Maybe they made a decision, it’s not turning out well like they wanted, but instead of admitting that, hey, maybe this decision wasn’t the best one, maybe it was a good decision at the time, but now it’s not turning well. Or maybe they didn’t make the wise choice in it. They didn’t listen or whatever it may be. And it’s turning out poorly.
So instead of saying, “You know what, let’s pivot, let’s turn, I may have made a mistake,” or whatever it may be. They keep wanting to push forward with that decision anyway, because they fear that image getting hurt. They feel looking bad because of it.
Sometimes it has to do with mistakes. Sometimes when the leader that wants to put up the front makes a mistake, they pretend the mistake didn’t happen. They ignore it, they gloss over it, they lie, whatever it may be, they just pretend it didn’t happen. Or maybe they blame others for it and try to put it off of them so it doesn’t hurt that image.
Maybe someone on the team points out something to that leader saying, “Hey, this is the correct way” or “Hey, there’s a mistake,” “Hey, there’s something here.” And instead of that leader saying, “Oh, thank you for sharing that with me. I didn’t realize that,” they press down harder on what they want or what they think because they don’t want to in any way show that they make a mistake or are wrong or hurt that image they have.
They may pretend to know more than they know. They fake it. So instead of, maybe somebody’s, they have to make a decision in something. Maybe somebody’s asking them a question about something, but because they, they’re like in the leader position or they want to maintain that image of knowing everything instead of just saying, “Hey, I’m not sure, let me listen, let me ask questions,” they fake it, they make up stuff, and then they press forward on what they made up just to protect that image.
The cost of the false image
And that’s honestly silly and wrong, but it happens so much. And all it does is hurt you, and of course your team, your organization, but it hurts you because people see that.
I want you to think about what you’ve seen, what I’ve talked about in other leaders. When you see a leader pressing forward or faking, not make or ignoring their mistakes and pretending it didn’t happen or ignoring others input and keep pressing forward on what they want to for whatever reason.
How does that affect your respect toward them? How does that affect their influence with you? My guess is it hurts a lot because you see them as fake, and so you lose respect with them, and you lose trust with them.
And that makes sense too because when you are being fake, you are lying to people. That’s really what it is. It’s a lack of integrity. And when you show that lack of integrity, when you are lying, of course you’re going to lose trust with people. And that just obviously is going to hurt you.
Be vulnerable (and how to do it)
Instead, you want to be vulnerable. Now, this doesn’t mean you share every deep and dark secret, that you don’t ever use tact in what you share. I mean, there’s wisdom in it, but you want to be real.
If someone points out a mistake that you’ve made, thank them for it and then act on it and work to fix it. That will build respect with people because you’re being proactive. You’re listening, not faking, admitting, “Hey, I make mistakes, too,” and then just moving forward to make it right.
Be about the best idea, not your idea. You’re pushing something forward and somebody pushes a different idea that’s better, go for it.
If you don’t know something, ask. Don’t pretend you don’t, don’t pretend you know when you don’t. Don’t fake it. Ask. Listen.
That’s one, well, that’s one of the many reasons that when, or can be, when it comes to meetings, wants a good idea to listen first and you be the last one to speak in meetings. You give a situation or whatever it is, and you listen to everybody else first so that you can get all the information before you make a decision or what have you.
If you make a mistake, own up to it. Apologize and work to fix it.
Be humble. Like we’ve talked about, don’t act like you know everything or are better than other people because of course you aren’t.
Being a boss is not a value statement. It’s just another job or a different position that has different duties.
Listen well to people. As part of humility, you’re listening, you’re trying to learn, you ask for feedback.
The benefits of being vulnerable
And when you do all of this, when you are a good listener, when you admit your mistakes, when you’re willing to listen and show faults when things happen and admit you don’t know things and try to learn, when you’re vulnerable, it builds trust.
Because first of all, you’re not being fake, you’re being real. It builds influence and respect with your team and they’re more willing to follow you and go into directions that you need to go. It grows you as a person because you’re learning more, you’re getting feedback, you’ll be able to make better decisions and solve problems better, and it keeps you from going down wrong paths.
And a big part about this, too, is that it also teaches your team to do the same, because you model what you get. When you put up a front and are fake, and don’t admit mistakes, pretend you know things. When you don’t, you’re teaching your team to do the same because they are following your actions. You’re modeling the behavior you get as a leader.
So when you do that, that’s what you’re going to get from your team. And you’re in that with a team of other people acting fake, and that’s not what you want. When you are vulnerable, when you show your mistakes and all of that, it teaches others to do the same. They feel more free to do that.
And then that helps everyone because then if someone’s admitting a mistake, then others and you can help them overcome the mistakes. You know, people don’t know something, they can learn. Instead of them trudging down the path, keep making that mistake, keep pretending they know something when they don’t. It just helps productivity morale everything when that happens.
Ignore the idea that you were supposed to have some kind of invulnerable image as a leader, but it’s because you want. Be vulnerable and build that trust.
Now those were the five temptations that can affect any leader. I hope you learned from it. If you have any ideas or suggestions, hit me up at thomas@theexceptionalskills.com. And I’ll see you next time.
