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Transcript
One of the worst pieces of advice a leader can follow is this: just be yourself.
Yes, it feels good and it sounds good, but it’s just wrong. And I’m not the only one to say it. For example, Trevor Noah, former Daily Show host said that the worst advice he ever got was to be himself. Steve Martin on his interview on Adam Grant’s podcast said that the worst advice for humanity is to be yourself. He said being authentic would be us lying on the sofa and watching television.
Seth Godin in his interview on Heather Parody’s podcast said that when people tell him doing something wouldn’t be authentic of them, he said, “Yes, but would it be good for you? Would it be generous of you? Would it be something that you won’t written in your biography?”
So the question then is why is this bad advice? Why shouldn’t we just “be ourselves?” Well, let’s answer that question.
What leadership is about
To do that, first we need to really understand what leadership is founded on. And truth is, much of the information out there, the conventional thinking, what’s popular, is wrong.
Much of it focuses on you as the leader, about you finding what you like and what you want and what fits you so that you supposedly can be the best leader you can be by being the best you. Just be yourself.
However, that misses the whole point of leadership. Because the truth is, leadership isn’t about you. It’s about the mission and the team, and you doing what it takes to help your team accomplish the mission. It’s not about being you as a leader, it’s about you becoming what you need to be so that you can accomplish the mission.
You see the difference there?
So for you to accomplish the mission, it may require you doing things that’s not comfortable, that you don’t like, or that’s not you. Because what’s important isn’t you, it’s the mission.
We often lean toward what’s comfortable
And here’s another aspect about just being yourself. Often, we as humans, we gravitate or we lean toward what’s comfortable for us to do. And so when we’re talking about just being ourselves, often what we’re talking about are things that we’re comfortable doing.
For example, some leaders love building relationships with their team. And so that’s what they gravitate toward. That’s their “style.” And so that’s what they do because that’s what they like. Some people love coaching. So that’s what they gravitate toward. And so that’s what they do.
However, as a leader, you can’t just focus on coaching. You can’t just focus on building relationships. There’s lots of functions you have to do. It’s not about what’s comfortable. It’s about what’s needed.
This can especially be dangerous for new leaders and new managers. Jim McCormick in his book The First Time Manager says this. He says, “You select the appropriate role based on the situation you’re in and the objectives that you want to accomplish. Often, new managers are given the advice to just be yourself. This is actually bad advice. It will prevent you from using the different roles that will make you a successful and effective manager.”
If you’re a carpenter, you may love getting on the saw and hearing the sound of it whirring and the blade cutting into the wood and the smell of the sawdust. You may enjoy that. You may like doing that.
But if that’s all you do as a carpenter, you just do what is comfortable, then you’re not going to do well as a carpenter. It’s the same as a leader. Just doing what’s comfortable isn’t going to make you successful as a leader.
Just because you lean a certain way doesn’t mean it’s good
Not only that, just because you lean a certain way doesn’t mean it’s good. If you’ve noticed in life, sometimes some people lean toward being a jerk. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a jerk. Some people are bad listeners or they’re egocentric. It doesn’t mean they should keep being that way because that’s their authentic selves.
No, if you’re not good at communicating, if you’re not good at listening, if you’re not good at something or you have a bad habit that’s hurting your leadership, you don’t just settle because that’s you, you grow and become a better you so you can be the best leader you can be so you can accomplish the mission, so you can help your team.
Sometimes people lean certain ways because of ego or because of insecurity. For example, if someone’s bossy, it might be because they think they’re so good that they boss people around or they’re insecure inside and they just think that’s a way to show that they’re in control because of that insecurity. They shouldn’t be “authentic,” they should grow.
You may get annoyed and irritated when people ask you for advice. That may be you right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. What you’d want to do is change and grow.
The truth about strengths and leadership
Also, as a leader, sometimes your strengths are just not enough. Yes, the advice that says you should work your strengths and hire your weaknesses can be good advice when used well. However, especially as a leader, sometimes there’s things that we have to do as a leader, even if it’s not our strength.
If you’re not good at communicating, you should work on becoming a better communicator because that will help you be a better leader. That’s not something you can just pass to somebody else. And truth is, sometimes when you’re not good at something, it’s just because you haven’t learned or practiced it yet.
I know of at least one leadership book that basically says, “Well, if you’re not good at public speaking, you’ll never be good at public speaking. So just focus what you’re good at.”
No, you can become good at public speaking if you’re willing to practice and willing to put in the effort and work toward it. Again, sometimes things aren’t our strengths just because we haven’t practiced or learned them yet.
So with your strengths, again, it’s not about you doing your strengths and focusing on those, it’s about you becoming and doing what’s needed to help your team accomplish the mission. It’s not about you, it’s about the mission.
What leadership is about (part 2)
Brendan Bouchard in his book, High Performance Habits, tells a story of how a client of his that he called Tim called him out. They had done all the personality tests and the strength tests and all this stuff for Tim to discover who he was so he could be the best leader and so on. But Tim told him this.
He said, “But look, we know my supposed strengths, and they’re still not getting me ahead. My natural tendencies don’t do the job. As a leader, I have to be honest. Sometimes it’s just not about who I am, what I prefer, or what I’m naturally good at. It’s about me rising to serve the mission, not the mission bowing down to match my limited strengths.”
The reason just be yourself is bad advice, especially when it comes to leadership, is because leadership isn’t about you. It’s about you becoming what you need to be to accomplish the mission, not lowering the mission to meet you. It’s not about being yourself. It’s being about the best you and the best self you can be.
And that includes growing and learning and doing what’s uncomfortable.an make it about the leader in their mind. They become about their image and their status and they start to believe that. They become overconfident in what they do. And then even because of that, not only may people be afraid to speak up, the leaders themselves may not listen well because they believe that overconfidence.
And then when people bring up things, if they do, if people actually disagree with what they say, they may push it aside because obviously they’re the great charismatic leader who knows best, who drives things by the force of their will.
Note: Charisma in itself isn’t bad
Now, it’s not a bad thing to have charisma. Charisma can be helpful, but if you have charisma and practice it, you just have to be careful to watch out for these dangers.
You just want to be sure to encourage people to speak up and create systems so that you hear feedback, even when people might be a little timid and afraid to do so. You want to build a culture that revolves around the mission and not around you.
You want to train your people to make great decisions and to solve problems and to critically think and not just rely on you for that. You want a culture that motivates and the purpose that motivates and not have your people rely on you to motivate them.
Charisma in itself isn’t bad, it’s just a tool that you can use.
