Authenticity is everywhere today—in self-help books, leadership talks, and all over social media. You are constantly told to be your “authentic self,” “stay true to yourself,” and “be who you really are.”
But what if this advice is actually holding you back?
Trevor Noah said the worst piece of advice he ever got was “always be yourself.”
Steve Martin, in an interview with Adam Grant, said that “being yourself” is the worst advice for humanity and that being authentic would be to just lie on the couch and watch television.
Why is this bad advice? Let’s dive into what might be wrong with the whole “be your authentic self” mentality and how we should view it instead.
The Problems with “Just Be Yourself”
We as humans are complex
Think about all the roles you play every day. You may be an employee or manager, maybe a parent, a friend, a spouse, a community member. Each role brings out different aspects of who you are.
Plus, we’re constantly growing and changing. If you’re exactly the same person you were a year ago, something’s wrong. You haven’t learned anything new or developed in any way.
Your also made up of different experiences, emotions, your personality, and so much more.
Labeling yourself as one thing can limit you as a person, and it ignores the complexity of who you are and the growth and change you should be experiencing.
Comfortable doesn’t mean authentic
It’s easy for us as individuals to lean toward, focus on, and do the things that are most comfortable for us. We then might say that the comfortable is “us.”
But here’s a question: When are you most “authentic”? When you’re doing what’s comfortable, or when you’re using your full range of abilities?
You may be comfortable playing a certain range of roles as an actor, but if that keeps you from using your full range of abilities, is following what is comfortable “authentic?”
You may be comfortable singing in the mid-range because it’s what you are used to, but is that being “authentic,” or is it limiting you when you can actually do so much more?
We often mistake “what feels familiar” for “who I truly am.” But there’s a huge difference.
The label trap
Have you ever labeled yourself as something (or know others who do)?
For example: “I’m an introvert.” “I’m not a details person.” “I’m just not good with numbers.”
Alex Hormozi discusses this topic in a video he posted on YouTube. In the video, he said that we create these labels for ourselves based on certain behaviors we do.
We like our car clean, so we call ourselves “neat freaks.” We don’t like getting up early in the morning, or we need a coffee to get going, so we say we aren’t a “morning person.”
We label ourselves with these terms, and then we define ourselves by those terms. It’s like you draw a tiny circle around yourself and say, “This is who I am, and I can never step outside.”
We then let the label that we created control us and what we do rather than us controlling the labels. They become rules that control what we think we can and can’t do.
The question then is, why do we let self-created labels determine whether we can be successful in something or do something or not?
There’s a huge difference between “I currently struggle with public speaking” and “I’m just not a public speaker.”
The “That’s Just Who I Am” Excuse
Have you ever heard someone say, “That’s just who I am”?
Think about how limiting that saying is. It’s saying, “I am this one thing, and I am unwilling to grow and change or ever be different in it.”
We are complex people who are constantly growing and changing and experiencing new things, and you are saying you are going to stick with this one small label or definition of “who you are?”
If anything, that is being inauthentic because you aren’t reaching the full limit of what you can be.
It’s like a taxi or Uber driver refusing to use a GPS because using maps is “who they are.” It’s not being “inauthentic”; it’s refusing to grow.
I once knew a lady in a job I worked who was around 50. She told me she was 50 (whatever) years old, that’s who she was, and she wasn’t going to change.
I thought, “Man, how limiting is that?” She could live 20,30,40, or even more years, and she’s going to stop growing, learning, or trying to be better.
Wow. How limiting.
Saying “that’s just who I am” is really just an excuse that puts you into a cage. And the irony of it all is that nothing stops your “authentic” growth more than refusing to grow at all.
The Me-First Problem
There’s another issue with how we think about authenticity: it can be really self-centered.
When we focus only on “being true to ourselves,” we easily forget how our actions affect others.
Though this is a simple example, think about using your car’s turn signal—is it “more authentic” to skip signaling because you don’t feel like it? Or should you get over that self-focused feeling and look at how your actions impact other people?
Life isn’t just about you and “self-expression”; it’s about connection and contribution. We are social people, meant to interact and help one another.
When you define authenticity only as what feels natural to you and focus on you regardless of the impact it has, it hurts not only you but also those around you.
And the truth is, often the “authentic self” is not always good, as we will see below.
What if what’s “authentic” isn’t good?
Just because something feels authentic doesn’t mean it’s good, helpful, or effective. Sometimes, it’s selfish, inconsiderate, or even harmful to ourselves.
Should a child (or even an adult) be allowed to scream, pitch fits, and take things from others because it’s what they want and is their “authentic” self?
What if your “authentic” way of talking turns people off? What if your “authentic” work habits make you miss deadlines? What if your “authentic” leadership practices hurt your team?
Seth Godin, in an interview with Heather Parady, said that when people claim something “wouldn’t be authentic” for them, he asks: “Yeah, but would it be helpful? Would it be generous? Would it be something you’d want in your biography?”
If we have habits or parts of us that aren’t good, we shouldn’t “express” and keep doing them because it’s our “authentic self”; we should grow and change what our “authentic self” is.
A better way to think about authenticity
88 Keys
Vinh Giang gives a great example of a better way to view “authenticity” and our lives. He teaches communication skills, and he uses this example to encourage people to use their whole voice range.
Picture a piano with its 88 keys. He says the voice we normally use is maybe 8 or 10 keys. People often feel uncomfortable going higher or lower than those 8 or 10 keys and say it’s inauthentic.
Giang says no, it’s not authentic, it’s just unfamiliar. If you practice those keys, then they become familiar. Your voice is 88 keys, and it’s more inauthentic NOT to use them because it’s part of who you are. You are the entire range.
It’s like playing the piano only with those 8 keys because that’s what is comfortable. How limiting would that be!
Sometimes, people will say that their voice is their natural voice. He says, no, it’s not your natural voice, it’s your habitual voice. For whatever reason in your past, that’s the voice range you began using, and you can change, adjust, and use the full range. Your voice is just a set of behaviors that you can change.
It’s not fake or phony, just unfamiliar.
Then, he makes a profound statement. He says, “Don’t be so attached to who you are now that you don’t give future version of you a chance.”
This applies so much to us and who we are as people. We often limit ourselves to a set of 8 or 10 keys that define “who we are” when we have 80 more keys we can explore.
We say it’s inauthentic or fake when, really, it’s just unfamiliar. We can get so attached to who we are now that we don’t give the future version of ourselves a chance.
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Limiting yourself to what feels natural today isn’t being authentic. It’s denying yourself the experience of growth. You’re not being fake when you reach for those higher notes—you’re actually being more “authentic” by embracing your full capacity.
Adapting Is Human
Think about how you interact with different people. You talk differently with your boss than with your child. You behave differently at a funeral than at a birthday party. You adapting isn’t fake—it’s deeply human.
It’s like being bilingual. If you speak Spanish with your grandparents and English with your coworkers, which one is really “you”? Both, obviously.
When a friend is hurting, you don’t say, “Well, I’m naturally blunt—that’s just who I am.” No, you adapt. You show compassion. You adjust.
Refusing to adapt and calling it “authenticity” is like a chameleon staying green in a brown environment saying, “This is my authentic color.” The chameleon’s true nature actually includes the ability to change.
Today’s Self vs. Tomorrow’s Potential
One mistake we touched on briefly is that we sometimes confuse our current habits with our “authentic” identity.
Your current self is just one snapshot in an album that’s still being created. Your self includes not just who you are today but who you can become tomorrow.
Think of it like this: Is an acorn being fake when it grows into an oak tree? Of course not. The oak was always there in potential, waiting to pop out.
This is perhaps the biggest paradox of “authenticity”: limiting your growth to “stay true to yourself” is actually the most inauthentic choice you can make. Your full “authentic self” includes the potential of all you can become.
Rethinking Authenticity
So where does this leave us? If “just be your authentic self” isn’t the right advice, what is?
Maybe it’s time to view it all differently.
It’s not about limiting yourself to what’s comfortable or familiar. It’s about honoring your full potential—playing all 88 keys on your piano, not just the comfortable middle section.
It’s embracing growth as part of your journey, not a deviation from it. The oak tree isn’t being fake to the acorn—it’s fulfilling the acorn’s full potential.
It’s not about focusing on yourself but on others and your impact on others.
It’s not about limiting yourself to labels or trying to define yourself as one set way (which would be like trying to define the ocean by a single wave).
It’s not about sticking to a set of habits or behaviors. It’s changing and growing, especially if those habits and behaviors aren’t helpful or are harmful.
We are complex people who are constantly growing, learning, adapting, and changing. Don’t limit yourself by some label or define yourself in a limiting way.
Instead of saying “I’m just not a detail person” (limiting), try “I’m working on getting better with details” (growing).
Rather than “That’s just who I am as a leader” (stuck), consider “I’m building my leadership skills to help my team more” (expanding).
When tempted to say “That’s just who I am” (closed), shift to “That’s who I’ve been so far, but I’m willing to grow and change” (open).
And when you’re unsure whether to stretch beyond your comfort zone, try Seth Godin’s powerful three questions:
- Would it be helpful for you to do this?
- Would it be generous for you to do this?
- Would it be something worth writing in your biography?
It’s not just about who you are today but who you can be tomorrow. Don’t limit that future self in the name of staying the same. Don’t mistake your comfort zone for how you define yourself.
Because ultimately, the most inauthentic thing you can do is to deny yourself the real experience of growth.
